what-is-a-good-father

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WHAT IS
A GOOD FATHER?
A SPIRITUAL FATHER?

This audio and handout is one of the
8 teachings in our Biblical course,
"Restoring Relationships
and Restoring the Christian Family."
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8 hrs on Transformation
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Having a good father, who is a spiritual father, is one of our greatest needs.

In my opinion, one of our greatest problems today is that people are going into life, into ministry or leadership of some kind without ever having been mentored or fathered themselves. I believe that the role of fathers today has been degraded in the public eye to the point that we have almost lost the vision for the critical role fathers play. Appropriate affectionate touch and affirmation, from a good father who is a spiritual father, are probably the largest factors in building strong personal spirits into our lives. Without the affirmation of our fathers, we will wander looking for our identity in many other places and perform for acceptance. Here are some thoughts about good spiritual fathers.

It is on our father's knee that we learn that we are the apple of his eye - and God's eye. We learn that we are a delight, a pleasure and that we are desirable to be with. He communicates our value as a contributing member of the family, the community and the body of Christ. Being received by him, gives us the confidence we need to live fully out of our true identity. We have courage, based on what our Heavenly Father says about us instead of performing to win the approval of everyone else.

We are not lured into sin with flattery, because our Father has affirmed our God given purpose, gifting, talent and callings in life. We are secure in bonded relationships and able to trust God when Satan's cheap easy counterfeits come along to lure us with empty promises. We are able to minister out of health and stability that is based on God's truth.

If you have been blessed with such a Father, please let him know how fortunate you are. If you are hurting as you read this, its not too late to ask God for a spiritual father (or mother) to re-parent you and love you with God's agape love. Ask God for discernment to know who has a fathering heart, so you will be blessed and loved to life (vs. rejected again.)

ASK GOD TO BLESS YOU WITH A GOOD SPIRITUAL FATHER TOO!
You can pray for your own father or spiritual father by loosing him from fleshly traits and binding him to the heart of God and to His character. If you have been hurt by an uncaring religious leader, ask God for a good father who is a true spiritual father. If you are afraid to choose one for yourself, the following comparison between a spiritual father and someone who is just a religious leader, may help you to discern a true father and their motivations. Some of these thoughts are taken from the book, "Mentoring and Fathering" by Schultz and Gaborit and some from "Restoring the Christian Family" by John Sandford.

GOOD SPIRITUAL FATHER

"FLESHLY FATHER"


Takes his childhood wounds to Jesus for healing	Takes his hurts out of the nearest person
Takes his fleshly reactions to the cross	Automatic reactions w/o leading of the Spirit
Forgives others, God and himself	Holds resentment, judgments, bitterness
Takes responsibility for sins he sown	Blames others for what he is reaping
Honors and respects his authorities	Undermines his own authority with dishonor
Is flexible and led of the Holy Spirit	Under fleshly inner vows in his own strength
Believes the best, believes in you	Has bitter expectations that you will fail again
Confesses the sins of his fathers	Repeats the sins of his fathers and more
Touch, time, gifts, help, on your side	Loves you the way he wants to receive love
Hears God, is in agreement with Mom	Controls, dominates, competes, pouts
Appreciates/respects the opposite sex	Undermines feminine contributions
Encourages you for your own good	Flatters you and manipulates for his agenda
Finds time to be available to you	Is too busy to spend quality time
Will bless you when you are led to leave	Will cut you off if you are led to move on
Prays for you without ceasing	Will pray if you ask him
Willingly imparts spiritual gifts and wisdom	Doesn't want to lose (spiritual) advantage
Sees potential gifts, talents & callings in you	Only sees you as you are now
Trusts you to step out (with room to fail)	Will not release you for fear of your failure
Isn't afraid to discipline or correct you	Will either avoid correction or will over react
Has a heart to restore the brokenhearted	Withdraws from high maintenance children
Will pay a debt they do not owe	Will hold your debts over your head
Will fellowship with other fathers	Will hide from accountability to his peers
Moves toward the current move of God	Weds you to his beliefs, past moves
Is not threatened by your other relationships	Tries to control who you hear and who you serve
Teaches you dependence on God also	Keeps you dependent on him
Teaches you Truth from God's Word	Teaches you his doctrinal bias
Has the heart of a true worshipper of God	"Attends" or sends you to a worship service
Is happy when you succeed more than he	Is threatened when you succeed more than he
Has the 'team' concept of service	Has a 'golfer caddy' idea of your service
Makes you feel comfortable / protected	Threatens to expose you or attack you
Helps, wanting nothing in return	Expects something for helping you
Willing to admit his weaknesses	Will not admit weakness or mistakes
Is interested in what you are doing	Only what he is doing / his vision
Is relationship oriented and sensitive	Is task oriented
Communicates well and listens well	Feels bothered and put upon by you
Hears God and leads by the Holy Spirit	Influences or controls for his own agenda

WHAT IF I AM THE FATHER, LEARNING HOW TO FATHER A CHILD?
So much about being a good father to a child can be summed up by knowing and speaking the child's love language.

A good father knows whether his child receives love best as affectionate touch, investing time, by affirming words, offering to help them, or by giving gifts. Affectionate touch maybe the most crucial building block of good parenting. Do you show affection to your spouse in front of them? Do you hold them on your lap, hug or kiss them, giving them affectionate touch appropriately?

You can invest time by taking an interest in their hobbies, driving them to school, taking them out for a "date" alone or listening to them describe their day each night. Do you enjoy being with your children; do they enjoy being with you? Are they your priority? Is your schedule full of things to do with your children - that they enjoy?

You can build your relationship with affirming words when you teach them to speak to you and each other respectfully by your good example. Do you affirm their successes and minister to their weak points? When your son or daughter comes running to you, when they have been hurt, are they comforted by your affirming words? Do you calmly and gently train your children in the way they should go without yelling or screaming? Do you tuck your children into bed at night with an "I love you," affirming words and by praying with them?

Do your children know that you are their best source of help or are you too preoccupied with your own agenda? Do you make breakfast for them or help them when them with their projects? When you give your children chores, are you there to help them, if needed? Do you lead by demonstration or do you just tell them what to do?

You can express your love by giving little inexpensive but thoughtful gifts. Do your children know that you believe in them and are happy to invest in them and their future? Are you providing opportunities for them to develop their talents, gifts and calling? Are you verifying their precious value with your pocketbook, as well as all the above?

PRAYER: Dear Heavenly Father, We know that every good thing comes from You. We choose to trust you now, to heal every hurt, to redeem every hurtful experience, to take the pain and to leave us with the wisdom. We receive your discernment and the mind of Christ to make wise decisions for healthy relationships. We receive you as our Heavenly Father and allow you to heal every hurt and wound so that we will be healed people, able to partner with You to heal others. Please forgive us for every way that we have dishonored, condemned and resented our fathers and religious leaders. Forgive us for questioning and blaming them and you, God. We choose lastly, to forgive ourselves for all the ways that we have sinned against our fathers, religious leaders, our spiritual fathers and our Heavenly Father. Amen

For more freedom, call Carlotta at Cross Walk Life or see our Cross Walk Prayers.