Bookmark Us!


Tenets of Our Faith
Video: Leadership School

Video: 2006 Highlights
Video: Spiritual Roots

Video: NowFaith Training
Video: Prophetic Schools
Audio: Hearing God Stories



What is NowFaith.TV?
Holy Ghost Outpouring
Women as Ministry Leaders

Sowing In Good Ground?Post Abortion Stress
Spirit of Egyptian Bondage

End-Times Declarations
NEW Healing Declarations
Christianity Come Alive

OUR Great Commission
Training Center in Africa?International Trng Schools
Supernatural Evangelism
Destiny Blockers
When is Anger OK?
Renounce Satan's Lies

Want to Know Him?

Resolutions/ Declarations

Stir Up Spiritual Gifts
Rhema Word Devotions
MUSIC Spiritual Warfare
MUSIC Embrace the Cross
MUSIC Power of the Cross


NowFaith Generation
NWO_Prophetic Prayer
Are YOU Dead or Alive?
Are You a New Creation?

Christ Our All in All
Sharing with Muslims  
Overcoming Fear of Evil

Speaking Rhema & Logos

Tearing Down Strongholds

Sample Prophetic Word
Restoration of Basic Trust

RPM - What is it?
RPM vs. Secular Analysis
RPM Keys to Release
RPM Application

Bible Verses on RPM

What is Restoration
My Testimony of Healing
Christian Commitment

Christian Book Reviews

Healing w Open Visions

Open Vision of Our King

Tear Down Strongholds
Healing Prayer Ministries
What is Restoration?

How We See God
Knowing God's Will 
SOS Sow or Speak Respect
TEST Yourself


Elijah House School Online
Elijah House Testimonies
School Curriculum
Student Bulletin
Registration Online

40 Day Prayer Strategy

Releasing God's Favor
Holy Ghost Outpouring
Taking Dominion Again
Open Spiritual Eyes
Who I Am Strategy
Download Strongholds

Personal Prophetic Ministry
Prayers Heal the Heart
Issue-Focused RPM
Seminar Testimonies
Personal Purpose

Communion With God

Tear Down Strongholds
Prophetic Ministry
Activating Spiritual Gifts
Eight Healing Prayers
Healing Abuse
Restoring the Family
How to Hear God's Voice
Video: Internships
Audio: Interview Intern
Qualities in Mentorees

1-2 Month Internships
3-6 Month Internships
Mentoring Opportunities

Cyber-Missions with CWL

How You Can Volunteer
Call to Discipleship

Resident Office Assistant
  Communion with God
Breaking Free Prayers
Spiritual Gifts
Tearing Down Strongholds
Healing Survivors
Restoring Relationships
Ministry for Mind Control
Healing Dissociation

Healing Your Identity

Are Prophets for Today?
Prophetic Guidelines
Interpreting Prophecies
Can Sheep Hear God?
Open Spiritual Eyes

How to Hear God's Voice

4 Keys Hear God's Voice
Spiritual Discernment
Carlotta's Search 4 God
A Prophetic People
God's Voice: Testimonies Test Personal Prophecy
Prophetic Radio Programs

Purpose Driven Life
What Does God Want?

Becoming a War-Bride
Swing the Sword!
Christian Commitment
Resurrection or Hoax?

New Age or Jesus?

Is Jesus Really Messiah?
Why Did Jesus Come?

Did Jesus Have to Die?

Know Jesus Christ

How God Became Man
Passion of the Christ
What is Born Again?

Messianic Prophecies
Prove Jesus is Messiah

2000-2007 ARCHIVES




Join Our "100 Fold Partners" 
Help fulfill the Great Commission
Matthew 28:19-20



Cross Walk Life Prayer Box Contact Us Favorite INSIGHTS

You have our permission to post this web page on your site or to forward it
but kindly leave the article intact and include the live links here at the bottom.

Copyright 2000 Carlotta Waldmann Cross Walk Life, Inc. 501 (c)(3)

Cross Walk Life, Inc. is here to provide insights, healing, teaching and training,
so that you can develop a more intimate relationship with Father God and have
the passion of Christ, to be equipped to fulfill your God given destiny.


Redeemed by His Love

The testimony of a survivor of attempted abortion, satanism, satanic ritual abuse, incest, mind control, dissociation, a marriage to a homosexual, divorce, betrayal by spiritual authority, suicide attempts, despair and tragedy (aviation disaster.)

I've just had my 48th birthday. Yet, it's my first year as a kingdom child living the abundant life Jesus promises each of us in His Word. My heart is so full of freedom in Christ's loving Presence and overflowing adoration of Him. Dancing before my Lord is my daily pleasure. Every time I think this earthly frame cannot contain one more revelation of His love, He again opens Himself to me. My heart nearly explodes with joy in worshipping Him.

"But," you say, "you don't know how bad it is for me! How can I find and explore the riches of His love? How can I be really free when I feel so alone and rejected?" How well I understand! Please, if you think you will never find such energizing life and joy in Christ, let me encourage you. It's our inheritance as His children. The path through which we enter into His rest and joy often introduces us to suffering. I love reading 1 Peter in The Message. Let me share some verses from 1 Peter:

What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we've been given a brand-new life in heaven--and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you'll have it all--life healed and whole....
Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.
You never saw him, yet you love him. You still don't see him, yet you trust him--with laughter and singing. Because you kept on believing, you'll get what you're looking forward to: total salvation.
Peter reminds of the prophets knew the key: that the Messiah would experience suffering, followed by glory. The angels watch with intrigue. God exposes all our defenses that keep Him away or let us run from Him. Yet Peter tells us to do just the opposite: As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, "I am holy; you be holy."
You call out to God for help and he helps--he's a good Father that way. But don't forget he's also a responsible Father, and won't let you get by with sloppy living.
Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God. It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ's sacred blood, you know. He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb.... God always knew he was going to do this for you. It's because of this sacrificed Messiah, whom God then raised from the dead and glorified, that you trust God, that you know you have a future in God.
Now that you've cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it....
What counts is that you put up with (suffering) for God's sake when you're treated badly for no good reason. There's no particular virtue in accepting punishment that you well deserve. But if you're treated badly for good behavior and continue in spite of it to be a good servant, that is what counts with God.
This is the kind of life you've been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived. He suffered everything that came His way so you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it, step by step. "He never did one thing wrong, Not once said anything amiss." They called Him every name in the book and He said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. He used His servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. ...
Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.

I've known suffering for 47 years. After surviving 3 abortion attempts by my mother, I was born dead, strangled by the very cord of life. After resuscitation, I was left stone deaf. But my mother's mother hounded heaven for my hearing. When I was 9 months old, my praying grandmother called my mother to check my ears; God told her they were healed. I've had perfect hearing ever since. What a life God saved me from once again! My young parents consequently believed in Jesus and redemption started in my generation.

But -- the lingering curses of sexual abuse, satanic loyalties, rituals and incest came down through the generations on my father's side and assaulted my soul from birth to 18 years old. My paternal grandparents secretly schooled me in satanism since I was one year old. My tiny heart was unable to contain the pain; I began to dissociate over and over, in order to survive. I ran away from home by the age of 4--and got a mile away when I was 6. After an unsuccessful suicide attempt at 14, Jesus reached out to me, offering His gift of unconditional love and salvation. I understood my sin and my need for His forgiveness and salvation--but not His Lordship.

Shortly after, when I was confronted with my grandfather's sexual desire, I spoke from the heart of a child: "Jesus lives in my heart now. You can't do this anymore." He never touched me again. (I thought he was such a powerful man -- but it only took that one "no" from a child to keep his hands off of me.) But the sibling incest continued until each of us girls left home.

My second year of Bible College, I was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. While the hospital struggled with getting me home alive, God once again answered prayer and I woke from my slumber fully healed and completed my studies.

I spent 3 years in Europe with a missionary team smuggling Bibles, clothes, etc., into communist European churches persecuted for their faith. But unresolved childhood conflicts and the insatiable need to be held and loved made me easy prey for the enemy. In the throes of moral failure, God's blinding light Presence convicted me while driving and I immediately repented. But when I confessed my unknown sin to the leadership, I learned men can be much more unforgiving than God. I was tricked into a trip home and fired. My personhood was destroyed and they wanted years of punishment. My dreams were ripped from me. I was Stateside once again and I longed for death.

Through this season, I discovered the Lordship of Christ. A little late - but better late than never! After a year of rest and growth in Christ, I met my husband to be. We married a year later. Our wedding night crushed all dreams of finding the intimacy I craved. He didn't want me. He lied to me about knowing Christ's Lordship. In the early years, I anguished daily in our marriage and heartbreak. God met my sorrows time after time until I let a root of bitterness in. In our 5th year, I was working late one night and contemplated the similarity between my love/hate relationship with my siblings and his similar relationships with his best friends. I called one of them and discovered my husband was homosexual. I called my pastor for prayer, then I confronted my husband. The leadership said if I would love, risk and forgive more, he would change. Wrong!! The only one I can change is me. I stayed 6 additional years because I was committed to my covenant of marriage. In the latter years, my self-esteem came from long hours and recognition working at a defense company. But, like in childhood through school, I was once again a "dead-empty, functioning machine." After 11 years, out of sheer survival instinct, I filed for divorce. Most of my family disowned me.

Through God's grace, I relocated to the South and found God just waiting for me. The next two years were full of the best of God's ministries, revival services -- and work that accommodated my lack of trust in relationships. Then, tragedy struck. I plopped down on the sofa after voting on 9/8/94. CNN was reporting a major aviation disaster in Pittsburgh, PA. All 132 passengers on board were dead. I watched intensely. Instinctively I knew my oldest brother was on that plane. The confirming phone call came at 3:30 a.m. Experiencing the carnage of that crash (which the world understands more easily after 9/11) broke me completely. I ceased to function. It flew into the ground much like Flight 93, obliterating everything. My survival skills in the aftermath were over. I retreated under my blankets day after day. I was facing eviction if I couldn't function.

Then, finally, God, a godly therapist, my local church family and I embarked on the difficult journey of looking my lifelong suffering in the face and removing the lie that "life was fine--it just sucked". One day with my therapist, I cried out in a child's voice that my brother died in pieces like I was supposed to if I ever told my Grandfather's secrets ~ but I hadn't yet told.!! Through revival services, therapy sessions, coursework available within our healing community and God-encounters, I acknowledged my soul being split apart as a child through constant childhood sexual abuse and ritualistic trauma at the hands of my grandfather and associates.

How could God put the broken pieces together and make me whole? I didn't know. But I spoke David's prayer continually as he asked for an undivided heart that he could worship God. Over the past 8 years, God has been faithfully mending my shattered heart and making me whole. Yet my confusion over communion, the importance of Christ's death and resurrection, my security and identity in Him, spiritual warfare, and genuine, unconditional love eluded me. Depression still raged with chronic suicide attempts.

Recently, God allowed me to be confined and exposed to desperate efforts by satanists to make me forsake Christ and return to satanism. After a very long 8 day assault, with no one to help me, God Himself intervened on my behalf. He interacted with me night after night in the midst of the such ravaging. I was radically changed as I learned to take every thought captive, praying and worshipping Him to drown out the noise. I warred against the enemy from without while his very assault caused me to retake hidden ground that he had been holding within me. I consecrated my mind as our tabernacle and took every thought captive to Christ. When I could no longer fight, I heard Jesus tell me "having done all--stand." I confessed my unending love for Him and suddenly He whisked me away under the shadow of His wings. I could hear a spiritual battle taking place but He'd hidden me right in the enemy's camp and gave me rest. Night after night, as I prepared for war, God was incredibly and creatively faithful. My fragmented soul was finally free to be united in wholeness and safety. What the enemy meant for my destruction, God transformed with His glory.

Once the Creator of Life holds you safely within His heart, the nagging insatiable need to be held vanishes. Once God begins touching the human heart with His, the enemy not only loses his grip but is exposed for the weak, rebellious, pesky, bitter being that he is. God arises with healing in His wings as our suffering drives us deep into Christ. I've been dancing in worship in my home every day. In corporate worship, I nearly explode with pure love and adoration for my Risen Savior and Gentle but Powerful Shepherd. I've danced with my prayer shawl before the Lord in His sanctuary which I've dreamed of for years. To worship Him with absolute abandon was my passion.

Every trace of depression is gone. How can depression coexist with such freedom, joy and love? When I open God's Word, new truths continue to enlarge my love for Jesus and such a Daddy God that planned such a wonderful redemption as ours. I'm a child for the first time. I love life and, most importantly, I love the Giver of Life. Joy springs from deep within with every thought of how good God is. As I worship Him, He again and again touches my heart with His. I choose to live under the umbrella of His mercy and grace, while I intercede against the enemy's pursuit for our heart's treasure. I've been transported out of Isaiah 55-59 and into Isaiah 60-61.

How could I have known that intense suffering could lead to so much healing? As we let suffering do it's perfect work, God heals and restores the damage the enemy has sown. He thinks through through ravaging a child's soul and spirit that he destroys the connectors to receiving God's pure love for us. Once God touches us with His sweet heart in intimacy, we are forever changed and the enemy is defeated for good. I invite you into the grace of knowing Christ, entering into His suffering with patient endurance and ultimately being ushered with Him into His resurrection power! His resurrection life awaits you. I invite you to join me as I dance with my beloved Bridegroom who delights in us and invites us continually into His chambers.

Jesus does bind up the brokenhearted, He does proclaim freedom for the captives, He does restore all that's been devoured and makes us joyful, mighty warriors for His Kingdom. The beauty is that His everlasting, unconditional love produces a heart of adoring love responding to His revelations of ever-increasing dimensions. Come, join the dance of love. I'm a vibrant, living demonstration of Jesus Christ's lavish love transforming suicide, depression and despair into a dance of rejoicing in His Arms of love.

Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant--dog dung. I've dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by Him. I didn't want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ--God's righteousness.
I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience His resurrection power, be a partner in His suffering, and go all the way with Him to death itself. If there was any way to get in on the resurrection from the dead, I wanted to do it.
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong; By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward--to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us.
(Philippians 3).

Note: If you would like to respond or ask her questions contact us.