Parents, who were sincerely concerned about their children, were shocked to find out that their love had not been enough to prevent child abuse from touching their family. The perpetrator was someone they knew. We wonder, "How can people know each other for years and not recognize the abuser?" "How can they be so blind?" There are no simple answers.

First, we do not want to believe the worst of anyone we know. Second, most parents do not know the telling signs of child abuse. Children do not know that their sudden changes in behavior are normal reactions to the horror of child abuse and let themselves be punished for "acting out."

An informed parent can provide healing and encouragement to a frightened child and begin to discern whether these sudden behavior changes are due to child abuse or some other upset.

1. Decline in concentration on school work.
2. Disturbed sleep or nightmarish dreams.
3. Decline in energy level due to anxiety.
4. Fear of being alone with men or boys.
5. Under eating or compulsive over eating for comfort.
6. Attempts to make themselves unattractive.
7. Exaggeration of normal personality traits or sudden
   dramatic swings to opposite personality poles.
8. Invention of irrational excuses no to participate in activities.
9. Sudden inordinate modesty, fear of restrooms and showers.
10. Sudden cessation of conversational sharing.
11. Bedwetting when it was not a problem previously.
12. Increasing inability to relate well to peers.
13. Unexplained angers and aggressive behavior.
14. Reluctance to go home after school or sudden fear of going to school.
15. Running away for withdrawing.

The first violation brings in confusion and fear. Children are trained not to say no to adults and find it difficult to report child abuse when they are threatened.

Often, as they are paralyzed by their own ambivalence and fear, they simply begin to avoid people and places associated with the abuse and may appear to be suddenly uncooperative.

Informed parents, will be able to consult a counselor and discern the cause of significant changes and get the help that is needed.

• to inform caring adults by sharing these articles
• to respond to inquiries via telephone or our message board
• to minister to the hurting with prayer counseling ministry
• to offer healing groups for survivors of child abuse
• to sponsor individuals for ministry who cannot afford a donation

Thank you so much, Carlotta

PROFILE OF AN ABUSER The news if full of accusations about abuse and I am concerned that we do not panic and begin to be suspicious of good upstanding men (or women.) A woman called me and was concerned that a man may be a pedophile. First, he had attached himself to her girl friend and then to her little children. Then, he volunteered to solve all her childcare problems. But, this man sounded too good to be true and he was. Sure enough, law enforcement verified that he had been a convicted pedophile. While I will be the first one to believe that anyone can be forgiven and restored, he had no business spending days alone with her children. If he had truly repented, he would not have asked to be trusted with childcare. How can we tell if such "generous" people are grooming children for abuse?
What you do see:	Neighbors, teachers, youth leaders, day care workers, fathers, uncles, brothers (who maybe respected in the community.)
What you don't see:	Dark, menacing, evil-looking people.
*Sexual abusers appear as average members of your community, they are most often the people in your lives, not the stranger in the bushes. 92% target those they know.
What you do see:	A charming, intelligent, helping person.
What you don't see:	Usually immature, socially inadequate individuals who seek positions or people that trust them with access to children.
*What abusers really seek are non-threatening situations where they can feel expansive and in control.
What you do see:	A very helpful, giving person who spends his energy and money to help meet the needs of our family.
What you don't see:	A master manipulator who ingratiates himself to others to trap them.
*Convicted abusers reveal that single-mother environments are prime targets, explaining, “I would always be there for them."
What you do see:	A very attentive person who goes out of his way to spend time with your child, giving them money or gifts.
What you don't see:	A deliberate, methodical plan to build trust and break down barriers little by little.
"Convicted abusers admit to spending months, even years "grooming" their victims with normal behavior that progresses to accidental touching (i.e., while wrestling), gradually seeing how far they can go.
What you do see:	A normal-looking, caring adolescent or adult.
What you don't see:	A person who is (unconsciously ?) motivated to meet selfish needs through the children. He does not care about the the effects of the abuse on the children. He denies and/or blames the child if he is caught.
*Abusers admit they count on the child's inability and unwillingness to tell. They convince themselves the child won't remember, was not hurt, is a sexual being and is enjoying it.
Myth: You can tell an abuser by looking at them. God is ready to heal the abused and abuser as well. We stand read to partner with Him to provide the healing, freedom and restoration that you need. If you need healing, please contact us.
----------------------------------------------------------- See other articles related to healing your sexuality: NOW GOD IS HEALING OTHERS THROUGH ME! HEALING YOUR SEXUALITY IN CONFIDENTIAL HEALING GROUPS