How to help others in the midst of
Healing the Grief of Divorce
who grieves the most and generally gets the least support is
the divorcee. Many want to help, but do not know how. Do you
bring food and stay the night like you would a widow? or
take them out for fun? or do you introduce them to new
people? What is involved in divorce recovery.
There isn't any wake
to attend to express your sorrow for their loss. So what is helpful?
How do you pray for someone who is being hit from all sides at once?
The devil may have already exhausted them ... tried to make them
perform for their spouse .... or fix their spouse.... or traumatized
them with abandonment without warning, jealousy and rejection.....
or drown them in anger, resentment and bitterness. How do you help
someone heal from the grief of divorce?
Maybe they are
fighting temptations to manipulate, retaliate, expose or go into
self-pity. Then self-defense, self-promotion and plain old survival
of loneliness and financial loss start looking good. Its easier to
focus on fear and opinions of people when discouragement and
confusion set in. All this, while trying to bless their enemy and
take responsibility for their own areas of pride, disobedience,
judgments and many more sinful reactions!! Maybe they are good
candidates for a divorce recovery group.
If reading about
divorce recovery makes you uncomfortable, you may need to receive
more of the healing love of Jesus Christ yourself. Those who know
they have been forgiven much, love much. Whether you need
forgiveness, or need to give it, let Jesus give you a vision of His
desire to restore every soul. He died to redeem every bad experience
that we have, taking out the pain, leaving the wisdom and making the
weak places into our strengths. Jesus forgives and heals the grief
of divorce just like He does anything else.
Psalms 107 promises
that God is here to deliver us out of ALL of our distresses, whether
they are caused by our enemies (v.2), rebellion (v.11), foolishness
(v.17) or acts of God (v.24-25)
Ps 107:19-20 Then they
cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saves them
out of their distresses. 20 He sent his word, and healed them, and
delivered them from their destructions.
We can ask God to
help us see the other party through His eyes, praying His heart for
them, blessing every area of their lives with insight, wisdom, good
counsel and true agape love. We can believe for a complete 100%
restoration of their soul. Women, I highly recommend Stormie
OMartian's book, "The Power of a Praying Wife" to keep your heart
and focus pure.
Here are some helpful
specifics to pray for divorcees:
responsible for everyone's feelings. Stop feeling responsible
FOR everybody's relationships in the family, for other people's
reactions, for their needs, choices or spiritual life! Don't try
to manipulate. Just be responsible for your responses TO them
and for your own recovery from divorce.
obligated to everyone. Fear of people, fear of not being liked,
losing approval or fear of not doing enough can cause us to say
"yes" when our Heavenly Father said to say "NO!" Just do what
your Heavenly Father says to do and say what He says to say.
Don't let let a "spirit of grief" put a cloud of false guilt
over your head.
overcompensate for divorce with destructive self-sacrifice.
Believing the gospel is to receive forgiveness for your part, by
grace through faith, not to try to earn it with works! If you
don't feel OK unless you are working your fingers to the bone,
STOP! and receive His gift of righteousness: Jesus has died to
make you holy and blameless by the blood and cross.
1 Thess. 5:23 And the
very God of peace sanctify you wholly;
and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved
blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Rom. 5:17 For if by one man's offence death reigned by one;
much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of
righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.
heart of flesh that can receive ministry. The hard heart may
give but will not ask for what it needs. Plan to share, play,
worship and have rich quality time with friends. Join a
Christian divorce recovery group.
Get over feeling
guilty about healthy habits of stewardship. You have permission
to have quiet time alone, buy quality food, exercise, read and
meditate, take courses to equip yourself, to look good, to
decrease your stress load and to rest and relax. Living a
balanced life is a big part of recovering from an unhealthy
marriage or traumatic divorce.
independence and isolation pattern. Burning out is easy for a
one man show. Ask for what you want and let others be blessed by
helping you. Divorcees need pray for a team of people to help
with a big job! Your needs and goals are important to the body.
Spend 20 minutes
a day just listening to God, writing down His truth about you.
The enemy plans to erode your worth with lies, but you may
understand your worth better after divorce. Let your Heavenly
Father tell you His truth daily. His heart for you is full
recovery, to totally forgive and accept you and to have an
intimate relationship with you.
Walk forward in
faith, love and hope. God's gifting and calling "is without
repentance" so get back into the saddle and resist the spirits
of grief, fear and intimidation. Sow what you want to reap; know
you have been forgiven as you forgave.
Kick the spirit
of grief shame in the teeth: Let us know you and believe with
you! Write us and we will both be healed as we pray one for
another. The last thing you need is to immediately develop a
relationship with another person who is in divorce recovery.
temptation to compromise or to enter into the self-deception of
trying to get your needs met outside of God's will, way and
timing. Wait for God to heal, deliver and restore before
beginning another relationship.
Ps 107:28-38, 43
28 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he brought
them out of their distress. 29 He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed. 30 They were glad when it grew
calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. 31 Let them give
thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds
for men. 32 Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people and
praise him in the council of the elders. 33 He turned rivers into a
desert, flowing springs into thirsty ground, 34 and fruitful land
into a salt waste, because of the wickedness of those who lived
there. 35 He turned the desert into pools of water and the parched
ground into flowing springs; 36 there he brought the hungry to live,
and they founded a city where they could settle. 37 They sowed
fields and planted vineyards that yielded a fruitful harvest; 38 he
blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased, and he did not
let their herds diminish.
43 Whoever is wise, let him heed these things and consider the great
love of the LORD.
You can request Restoration Prayer Counseling
over a 3-5 day period and vacation in the West Florida area too !!