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After an in-depth
conversation with Kay Price, one of our alumni and an intern, I
encouraged her to write an article on respect. Of course, I had to
add some application too.
Kay: Respect. First, what
is real respect? Noah Webster's 1828 dictionary defines respect as
regard, attention, that estimation or honor in which men hold the
distinguished worth or substantial good qualities of others. That
deportment or course of action which proceeds from esteem, regard, or
due attention. To treat with deference, good will, favor. To show or
feel honor consideration or esteem for. To hold in high regard. To avoid
intruding upon or interfering with.
My personal
definition would include believing the best of others and trusting
their heart. It involves honoring boundaries. If the other person
doesn't like something don't give it to them or if they do like
something give them that. If my spouse likes quiet in the morning I give
him/her that. If they don't like a messy vehicle I keep it clean. As I
heard it put once by Gary Smalley, don't stomp on their fences. He used
the analogy of a farmer having put a fence around his property and his
neighbor bull-dozing his fences down just because he wanted to.
Obviously the farmer is not going to like it being violated like that
and neither do we when others do not honor our boundaries.
In my life, the
biggest hindrance to respecting others was my definition of respect.
I was unaware that I had formed a definition based on what was modeled
by my parents. My own definition of respect was letting someone run over
me or abuse me. Clearly I was double minded when it came to knowing I
needed to respect others and then doing it. Another hindrance was I
didn't realize I was disobeying God. I had practiced conditional
respect. Which meant that when I felt loved, then I would respect.
(Didn't really happen as God doesn't honor pride.)
Humility is
necessary to recognize my lack of respect. Respect is to be
unconditional just as love is. God didn't say if you feel like it,
respect your husband or if he loves you like you want him to, respect
him or if he lines up with your expectations, then respect him. He said
wives respect your own husband. This does not mean put it on and try to
do respect in your strength. It must involve a heart change.
Respect others as you would have them to respect you and respect them as
Christ respects the church. I had to learn to appreciate God's
choices for me, my authority figures and my life.
Our
"filters" may color our perceptions of the authority figures God
has placed over us or of God Himself. For instance, if our parents abused us, we may
have a filter called bitter root expectations i.e. that others will abuse us too.
If they withdraw from our bitterness, we may see it as a confirmation
that they have an attitude. We may sow verbal abuse and then not realize that we are reaping what
we sowed. We may abuse the kindness of others and then demand more,
as if we are entitled. We may abuse the
finances God has entrusted to us and fail to tithe and then expect Jesus to rescue us from
the debt. While God has promised to deliver us from all our
distresses (Psalm 107) He would rather that we appreciate and respect
His direction and Word. He may allow us to reap what we sow in
order to conform us to His image.
Ps 107:6, 13, 19, 28
6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
13 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
19 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
28 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress. NIV
I find Holy Spirit
most faithful to show us what hinders or what respect looks like
practically applied. All we need do is ask. Do you really want to enjoy
your spouse and REALLY appreciate him or her? How about experiencing
relationships as they were designed by God? SOS = Sow or Speak Respect.
If you have invited Jesus to be Lord of your life, you can choose to
release Jesus to respect others through you. |
